When you read books and watch shows or movies, they make it out as if there are good guys and bad guys, those who love and those who hate, those who do good and those who do evil.
When something bad or traumatic happens to us or to someone we love in the “real” world, we want the picture to be this black and white, for there to be “the bad guys” who did us wrong, but it’s not like that at all.
JD Mass is my brother and one of my best friends. He drives Uber to make enough money to get by each month while he’s working on the side as an anti-racism activist, promoting his book and developing programs to teach the truth about racism in efforts to help the world heal from its dark and despicable past and present.
The other night, he went to pick up a passenger who wore a hoodie and a facemask and who, after sizing JD up, carjacked him at gunpoint, taking his car, wallet (with IDs cash and credit and debit cards), both of his phones and any other personal belongings he had in the car. JD hopped out of the car and ran up the street where he found someone who called the police. The police showed up to do their job, but in the meantime, neither the police nor JD knew how to contact Uber to get information on the person who ordered the ride. Plus, the people at Honda didn’t answer the phone to track the car because it was after business hours.
So JD went home and learned that Uber often doesn’t cooperate with police, they delay providing information (if they provide information at all), and their insurance only pays for damages to the car anything above the $2500 deductible. They take no responsibility for the phones or any theft. [While this information is often the truth for other drivers according to an article I found, JD was fortunate enough to find out about 2 weeks after the incident that Uber would pay for the $2500 deductible plus another $500 towards the loss of phones and other personal belongings. I first wrote this before they gave him this information so this part is an edit to the original.] Plus, they have an emergency 24-hour contact number but somehow, in most cases, neither the police nor Uber drivers are aware of this number, and if you don’t know about it, it’s difficult to obtain.
A few days later JD was notified that the police found his car, but they had to use spikes to stop the driver who then ended up crashing the car, thus wrecking it. They have the 17-year-old who was driving the car in custody. He is probably the assailant, but the cops don’t know for sure if he was the one who carjacked JD. JD attended the detainment decision hearing and found himself trembling at the sound of the detainee’s voice as he listened to him talk about being a high school student. The detectives are still investigating, and the state doesn’t take any responsibility for the damage they helped cause to the car. They’re just doing their jobs and catching “criminals.”
Meanwhile, JD must figure out how to move forward, having to replace all that was taken from him, get new locks and garage door remotes, and deal with all the emotions that come with experiencing trauma.
So, who are the good guys and who are the bad guys here? Is Uber a bad guy for showing no compassion and barely giving compensation to their drivers? [This was the initial case for JD and from what I read in that article; it was the case for many other drivers.] Is the representative for Uber the bad guy for spitting out Uber’s policy without any sympathy or understanding of the amount of damage JD is dealing with? Are the cops the bad guys for causing more damage to the vehicle and offering no financial support? Is the 17-year-old the bad guy for driving a stolen car; if he’s the carjacker, he must be the bad guy, right?
Saint Louis is known (at least among the melanated community and among those who are aware) for its racism and the system (for those who are aware) is known for its disparagements and lack of opportunities for those in poorer, and especially melanated, communities. Who knows what this carjacker has gone through in his life to get to this point of criminality and desperation at a young age? Who are we to judge any of the pawns in this situation when each of them is just playing their part in a system that has created all of it – from capitalistic greed to cops having to solve the case and check it off their list of cases, to hired representatives, to hurt people hurting people? Is JD in some way responsible for taking the ride in a sketchy neighborhood? Is this some kind of karmic payback for something he did in his past?
Spiritual law teaches us to love our enemy as we love ourselves, to forgive wrongdoings so that we don’t hold any resentment in our hearts, to find gratitude, and to salute the divinity in everyone. But what does any of that really mean in a practical sense?
If this 17-year-old is the carjacker, does he deserve to be locked up as a “criminal?” The system isn’t set up for any true rehabilitation, and JD and others would agree that they don’t want him to be able to cause anyone else the same kind of trauma or worse. So, what’s the right thing to do here?
Without the power to create systemic change instantaneously to help save this wrongdoer, the best you can do is start by loving yourself, by being compassionate to yourself and your situation, allowing emotions to come and go without judgment, and as much as possible, find things to be grateful for while reframing or letting go of negative thoughts. (There are various ways of overcoming trauma through meditation, EFT, TFT, etc. and there are experts in each of these fields who can help. It’s up to you to find out which method of healing is best for you and to commit to your own healing and improvement.)
The next step to recovery comes with forgiveness. People often mistake forgiveness with pardoning wrongdoings. This is not what true forgiveness is about. True forgiveness is releasing feelings of resentment and ill will that you’re holding for another or for yourself. There are various types of compassion meditations that can be very helpful in these situations. However, you can start simply by remembering that hurt people hurt people, feeling compassion for their pain, and sending them (through your thoughts) feelings of compassion and wishes of healing.
Do the same for yourself and forgive yourself for being part of the situation at all, even if it just means forgiving yourself for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Remembering these thoughts and sending good will towards others will help tremendously in your path of healing.
Faith, too, helps in healing or making progress in your life. Many people think faith is synonymous with believing, but with belief (I believe), there can be doubt. To me, faith is synonymous with knowing: knowing that complete healing is inevitable, knowing that the world is getting better (despite appearances to the contrary), and knowing that there is a greater intelligence, a greater love (whether you call it God, the universe, the Creator, Divine Source, etc.), that is there for your greatest good and has your back even if it seems otherwise. This higher power is the one true “Good Guy,” and through the above thoughts, prayers, meditations, and actions, you can show yourself love and share it with others, while leaving the rest (anything not in your control) in the hands of the “Good Guy.”
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