Let me start with a disclaimer: Even after spending more than 7 years in America, I am still amazed at my naivete when it comes to matters of racism. Despite facing racism and other ‘isms’ and biases, sometimes it can be quite a challenge for me to identify them as they are. I usually chalk up a lot of these incidents to human nature: a bad day, ignorance of what they do Not know, pride of what they know, how they perceive right and wrong etc. etc. Later, I will have Aha Moments, where I think ‘o noo… that person was being racist, or chauvinist, or elitist… or whatever ist’!
The driver’s license: Somewhere in Houston TX, I went for the driving test. The first two times I was sent back by the same middle aged black lady. The first time she gave me a lame reason to fail me, but the second time around she blatantly said “you are an immigrant. You think we will give you a license easily? Come back another time.” I was aghast! Eventually, third time around a younger black lady passed me.
This incident is stuck in my mind for multiple reasons. One, it was my first such experience. It had been only a couple of weeks since I had moved to USA. Experiencing This level of disgust, this level of Racism is not a frequent occurrence in India. Don’t get me wrong, we have our own set of issues, and we Definitely have colorism, and racism too, just not the same magnitude as one gets to experience in America or some of the European countries.
Second, and more importantly, it was a sense of betrayal and lack of empathy on multiple levels. It took me a while to understand that just because I am a person of color does not mean that the other person of color would quite obviously be fair to me. In fact, the opposite happened. She was rude and mean to me.
Finally, even though the younger black lady passed me, my sense of pride of doing well on my driving test was hurt. Her tone of passing me was that of pity, as if I am not a good driver but she will grant me the license out of a sense of some feeble charity. In retrospect it feels like a mind game.
I guess, naivete helps to keep one’s spirits high and not let the mind get bogged by such mind games. The thing is, are these mind games conscious or played on a subconscious level? When one is in the position of power and control, then one is likely to misuse it. People who are hurt, hurt people when in control and do not realize that the circle of damage is not being broken.
But I see hope. The younger generations are wiser, are willing to see The Past as the past, and are keen to move forward to build a better world. They are less corrupt when it comes to the matters of the planet including racial issues. Ever since this initial racial shock, I have met many young people of all races and backgrounds who have hope and willingness to work on making earth a better place. As grownups it is our responsibility to not let them turn skeptical or worse, cynical.
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